Well, gents, it’s friday the thirteenth, and you know what that means:

Vampires.

Thats right, Friday the thirteenth is known in Holland (aka Finland) as “the devils day,” or as they say, “el dio diablo.” That means the vamps will rise in force, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

But wait! I happen to have some handy tips on how to beat away those demons of the night, and go on to your normal friday-night club-fest.

First, remember the vampires key weakness: ladders. Thats right, make a vampire walk under a ladder, and you’ve just sentenced him to seven years of bad blood. Broken mirrors are also a handy way to dispel evildoers, but since vampires can’t see their reflection, its rarely useful.

Some people say garlic is the way to go, and they’re right. Just remember to go sparingly, and balance it out with some old fashioned Worcestershire.  Then you’ll have a tasty treat that will also keep you safe.

And finally? What better way to get a vampire off your case than to distract with something it wants even more than your dirty neck. So, whats a vampire’s secret craving? You guessed it: babies. Toss a baby or two out behind ya. It’ll be like that scene in Hunt For Red October where the bubbles stop that missile from coming right at whatshisname Baldwin.  It works for me, and it’ll work for you.

Have a great, fun, safe friday the thirteenth. I’m gonna get some sleep and relax with some cold ones, or twos.

Friday the 13ths are weird, huh? Anyway, what, are they making another “Underworld” movie, or what? I mean come, on already!