Biff Wants to be a Buff
I consider myself something of a film buff. I’m not the guy who goes to all the indie film festivals or anything, but I do really enjoy films, I try to see as many movies as possible, and I really like getting into discussions about film, and critiquing them, etc. I like to follow certain directors and writers, and I talk about them the way most people talk about the actors.
And I got to thinking, what if people got really passionate like that about the kind of instructional videos they show at drivers ed, and at work training? What if there was a whole subculture built around following the instructional video scene? What would the people who were instructional-video buffs look like? (I don’t think I want to know.)
Once that idea was in my head, names of parody film titles flooded my brain. I like the one from today, “So you got your driver’s license 4,” but there were some runners up, including, “Lying on Timesheets can Kill You,” “STD’s: The Reckoning,” and “I Know What Your Driver’s License Did Last Summer.”
Anyone want to contribute to the list? Its potentially never-ending!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Forklift Follies 5 – A Guide to Warehouse Safety
Four Finger Discount – How to use your Mitre Saw
Snacks on a Plane! – Samuel L. Jackson Covers the Basics of Being a Flight Attendant
Oh my, this could get fun.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Oh my gosh — stop there, we’ve struck oil!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Bloody Nuckles: Belt Sanders and the Men and Women that use them
Blinded By the Light: Welding Tips for the Beginner (narrated by Manfred Mann)
Dutch Boy’s Finger – Where NOT to stick your finger when working with Electricity
This IS fun!
August 11th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Genius! Keep ‘em comin’!
August 11th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Trials By Fire – the complete guide to your new oven
Five Finger Death Punch – Your instructional self defense video
A Midsummer Night’s Dream – The unknown dangers of mosquitoes (narrated by Morgan Freeman)
August 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Things Could Be Marginally Worse: An animated guide to living with full blown aids
Corky’s Instructional Guide to Contraceptive Use (you know the guy from “Life Goes On”)
Get Off Me: Do it yourself siamese twin removal, anticeptic sold seperately
August 12th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Instead of trying to one up everyone else’s clever ideas I’ll just list ACTUAL work instructional videos I have watched so you can laugh at me.
The Beauty In You and Your Customers – Your guide to a successful career as a Sally Beauty Technician. (yeah, I worked at Sally, what of it).
No Doesn’t Always Mean No, But Most Times It Still Does – Sexual harrassement in the work place and out.
People’s Fear of Hell and How It Can Make You Millions – The finer points of exploitive religious practices. (I know some of you have worked at or been to churches that show this video to their staff).
August 12th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Speed 3: Getting to know your new Rascal Scooter
In Space Nobody Can Hear You Suing (the video played in place of NASA’s workman’s comp policy)
August 12th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
If You Don’t Get Better at This We Can Have A Robot In Here in 13 Minutes That Will (this one is single handedly crippling the american auto industry or something).
White People Will Pay You To Do The Easiest $#!^ Esse (an occupational video for illegal immigrants)
August 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Bump Bump Bump: Brail for the visually inclined
Life After the Coat Hanger: Living as an abortion survivor
I AM the Droid You’re Lookiing For: a nerd’s guide to seducing women
August 12th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
dear God, I’m on my floor laughing my @$$ off right now.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Swirling Dervishes: Toilet Repair and Installation for the AD/HD Impaired
Grey Matter Matters: Brain Surgery for Everyone!
Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey: Power Drills for Pre-Schoolers
August 12th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
ASSHOLE!: welcome to the world of proctology
What If The Hoky Poky Real Is What It’s All About: Understanding the human psyche
Demon In Red: How to act while playing the role of Santa in your local mall
August 12th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Geez Damien… so violent! I think Chris B. deserves a special mention for using the term “swirling dervish,” and Punchface’s “real” one’s are good too… although I think his first one, “the beauty in you and your customers” MUST be really real……. and thats frightening…