So, things ended up working out… I went to my friends wedding, which was awesome (he walks up to the altar to the symphony orchestra version of Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir,” it doesn’t get more epic than that) and got to see Max Payne afterwards, which was less awesome (how can you take such an epic idea of giant winged demons and make it so non-epic?)

This leads me into a discussion of “epicosity.”

Epicosity is the measure of how epic something is, and epicology is the study of epic things (in England, epicology is called by it’s less formal name, “beer gazing,” and the French refer to the study simply as, “that thing we never do.”)

Epicosity can be measured simply by this formula:

E = [(A + B²)(W - R) + c³] / [S + Ψ]

wherin, A is the number of action scenes in the movie
B is the number of times Bruce Willis is in the movie
W is the number of romanticized weapons that appear in the film (usually this is swords or bo-staves, although guns are becoming more romanticized ala ‘Equilibrium’ and the “Dark Tower” book series)
R is the number of romantic (love interest) scenes in the film
S is the sequel number (if the movie is an original franchise, a ‘1′ is used, although this applies only to movies made pre-1984, when Hollywood stopped using original franchises)
Ψ is the number of minutes that Steven Spielberg or George Lucas was involved in the production. The symbol Ψ in this case is not used because of some abbreviation, but rather because it resembles the devil’s pitchfork that is used by Satan to flay fans of Indiana Jones.

c, of course, is the speed of light.

Speaking of epic things, I need to tell you that, although the talk balloon in today’s strip covers it up, Bob does have a Steven Segal poster next to his bed.

Segal’s personal epicosity rating is 1,247.68